Former first lady Michelle Obama is calling on Americans to be more intentional about the leaders they choose, arguing that political and cultural cruelty toward women, particularly those in the public eye, persists because it is tolerated.
Speaking in an exclusive interview with MS NOW’s Jonathan Capehart, Obama discussed themes from her new book, The Look, which examines how women are perceived, judged, and diminished based on appearance. Capehart highlighted two passages from the book: “When you’re a woman in the public eye, you’re often reduced first and foremost to your physical appearance,” and, “If someone wants to take something away from a woman, they will try to rob her of her femininity, her beauty.” He noted that current examples of such attacks have been aimed at female journalists and asked why the behavior continues.
“Look, we have to pick leaders that don’t do that,” Obama responded, prompting applause from the audience.
While acknowledging that she cannot “get into the minds of people who are cruel and mean,” Obama said empathy suggests that such behavior often “comes from a place of brokenness and insecurity.” Still, she emphasized that the larger issue is collective responsibility. “The question that we have to ask ourselves is … why are we OK with it?” she said. “We’re here because either we did do something stupid or we didn’t do anything. And we’re all culpable in it.”
Obama also stressed the need for frank conversations about loyalty and solidarity, particularly among men. “As women and as Black women and the men that we’re with,” she said, there must be clarity about where men’s interests lie. “Are you with us? Are you with you? Are you going to vote your interest? Are you going to vote our interest?”
She described The Look as starting with self-reflection, noting that public insults are inevitable. “People will call you out your name,” she said, adding that how those attacks affect someone begins with self-worth.
Reflecting on her own experience in the spotlight, Obama said she learned to “cut it off,” recognizing that much of the criticism directed at her did not reflect how most people truly felt.
She concluded by saying she never wanted her image of the country to be shaped by “a few mean people,” expressing hope that America can better support young girls so they grow up confident in every aspect of who they are, without fear of judgment.
