Adrianna Onubogu, a relationship coach, is making waves online with her intriguing message about “soft power”.
She is sharing a strategy on what women should do when a man begins to pull back, adopting a feminine, emotionally intelligent approach, rooted not in control, but in quiet self-assurance.
In a recent post on Instagram, Onubogu wrote:
“A woman in her soft power knows how to make her presence louder than any text… Even in stillness. Even in a text. Even when she says nothing at all.”
The accompanying video expands on this concept, especially when it comes to how women respond when a man seems to be losing interest.
Rather than chasing or shutting down—two reactive behaviors Onubogu says are “masculine responses rooted in fear”—she encourages a more nuanced, inwardly empowered reaction.
“You stay soft, aware, and still,” she advises. “You use your soft power to hold your energy, not manage his.”
One of her key techniques is what she calls the “three-to-one flirting method”: For every three actions a man takes to show interest, the woman responds once—deliberately, warmly, and without insecurity or sarcasm.
Instead of confrontation, she recommends a calm message such as:
“Hey you, wasn’t sure if you got busy or just needed space, but either way, I wanted to give it to you.”
The point? To maintain dignity, clarity, and emotional control—not to win someone back, but to honor your own value and allow space for the right relationship to flourish.
“Power isn’t in control,” Onubogu concludes. “It’s in how you quietly hold your standard.”
Known for helping women navigate breakups, divorces, and emotional boundaries, Onubogu, a relationship and divorce coach, is part of a growing movement of coaches encouraging intentional femininity and self-respect as dating superpowers.
