When cultural empowerment advocate Saida Hariz (@sayda_camara) asked her Instagram followers, “Would you stay if you were in my shoes?”, she wasn’t just sharing a personal story.
Hariz has opened a window into a deep generational conversation about love, responsibility, and the foundations of marriage.
In a recent video that quickly gained traction online, Hariz revealed that when she confided in her father about wanting to leave her marriage, his response was firm, traditional and thought-provoking.
“My father refused to take me back after I told him I want to leave my marriage,” she said. “He told me three reasons why.”
The first reason, Hariz explained, was accountability. Her father reminded her that she had chosen her husband freely, without family pressure or arrangement, and even persuaded relatives to accept him despite their reservations.
“He said I got to go back and rethink why I convinced everybody that I wanted to marry this person and stick to that,” she said.
His second reason reflected a mindset common in many African households: that marriage is built not on fleeting emotion but on commitment, duty, and honor.
“Marriage is not built on feelings,” he told her. “Feelings come and feelings go. Marriage is built on duties, responsibilities, and honoring your vows.”
For her father, love was not a constant flame but a tide, one that rises and falls, yet returns when both partners honor their roles.
“Love is like a sea,” Hariz quoted him. “There are waves — up and down, they come and go.”
Per the video, the third reason can be captured as endurance brings renewal. In other words, if both partners stay committed through hardship and continue honoring their duties, love will return naturally.
Hariz hints at this when she says:
“So long as you’re both honoring that and treating each other with bare minimum kindness… love will come eventually.”
Some praised her father’s wisdom as a reflection of traditional African values stress endurance and family duty. Others, however, questioned whether such advice dismisses emotional well-being and enables women, especially, to stay in unfulfilling or unhealthy relationships.
In a world where “self-love” and “setting boundaries” dominate the relationship discourse, Hariz’s post offers a sharp counterpoint. Her father’s words, though steeped in tradition, also raise pressing questions: How do modern women balance commitment with self-preservation? And at what point does honoring vows cross into self-sacrifice?
Still, Hariz’s willingness to share such a raw, personal moment has ignited meaningful dialogue about what it means to love and stay, not just out of emotion, but out of conviction.
