For years, she lived in silence, carrying a secret too heavy for any child to bear. Now, she’s stepping forward with her story—one she hopes will empower others to break free from abuse and reclaim their voices.
“Think of a 13-year-old girl confused about who her true love is because her dad is saying, ‘I’m your boyfriend,'” Harmony Oates shared with 2 News Oklahoma.
Her father, a respected pastor and community leader, used his position to manipulate and control her. She recalls the emotional and spiritual weight of his influence.
“I knew how to set a boundary,” Harmony said. “But whenever he’s your father, and whenever he’s a pastor, and whenever he has this authority, and he has a record, it’s like you say no, but what does your no mean?”
At first, the abuse was disguised as prayer.
“He would pray over me at first, but he would do a lot of touching while he was praying,” she revealed.
The years of manipulation forced her to compartmentalize her father’s actions, trying to reconcile the man she loved with the man who harmed her:
“As a kid, I separated my dad from who he was. I had to. That’s the only way I survived. I would call him my best friend—only to hide the reality of what I was living.”
Her journey to healing began with telling her husband and older brother. Then came the difficult conversation with her mother. Now, she is taking her story public—determined to encourage others to step out of the shadows.
“Coming out of the darkness by speaking out makes you a survivor. That’s what I would say, “ she reflected.
Faith remains a crucial part of her healing, but she has learned to separate her spiritual beliefs from the actions of her father.
“I’m learning to trust God more, and I know He has me and every other victim,” she shared emotionally, “I know He has been guiding me through this whole journey, and I know He will come for me like a father—even though my dad did not.”
Apart from going public with her ordeal, the woman also took legal action, where her father pled guilty to rape and incest.
Harmony Oates hopes her story will bring hope to those suffering in silence and show them that they, too, can speak out, heal, and reclaim their lives.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, help is available. Contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit RAINN.org for resources.
