In a now-viral Instagram video, a young mother known online as Julena The Motivator delivers unflinching relationship advice to her daughter.
But her blunt delivery seems to be resonating — and polarizing — audiences across social media platforms.
“He don’t call you? He don’t like you. He don’t keep his word? He don’t like you,” Julena says plainly in the clip captioned ‘Teaching my daughter how to avoid the same bad decisions I made.’ “Men are not complicated. They’re very easy to know. Men don’t talk with their words, they talk with their actions.”
With over a million views and counting, Julena’s blunt assessment of relationship red flags has sparked a wave of discussion about self-worth, emotional availability, and romantic standards — especially among young women navigating dating in the digital age.
A Relationship Expert Weighs In: Is Julena Right?
Some relationship therapists and dating coaches often agree with the core of Julena’s message: inconsistent behavior is a sign of emotional unavailability, and actions do speak louder than words when it comes to love.
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, clinical psychologist and author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?, one of the most common signs of toxic or unhealthy relationships is inconsistency — something Julena zeroes in on.
“People who are emotionally invested in a relationship tend to be consistent in their communication and behavior,” Dr. Ramani has said in prior interviews. “If someone shows up only when it’s convenient, or disappears for days, it’s not love — it’s opportunism.”
Julena’s viral video lists behaviors such as:
- Lack of communication
- Breaking promises
- Starting random arguments
- Not meeting family
- Not proposing after several years
These, she warns, are signs a man is not serious about a relationship — and may be stringing the woman along while exploring other options.
Why This Hits Home for So Many
In an era where ghosting, breadcrumbing, and situationships are common dating experiences, Julena’s clear-cut advice offers a kind of clarity that many young women find empowering.
“He only calls you when he wants something. He’s using you,” she says. “You’re not worth the investment.”
That may sound harsh, but according to dating coach Matthew Hussey, people often waste years waiting for a partner to “come around” or “change,” instead of recognizing patterns early.
“If someone is not making an effort from the beginning, don’t wait for a day they’ll start,” Hussey says. “People show you who they are.”
The Gender Perspective: Are Men Really ‘Simple’?
Julena’s claim that “men are not complicated” is a simplification that some experts push back on.
While it’s true that attachment styles, commitment readiness, and emotional maturity vary from person to person, communication through action is a widely accepted standard in both psychology and relationship counseling.
However, Dr. Laura Berman, a nationally recognized sex and relationship therapist, urges nuance:
“Not everyone who delays commitment is disinterested. Some people have trauma, fears, or priorities that make emotional availability harder,” she explains. “But consistent avoidance over time should raise a red flag.”
The Takeaway: What Young Women Should Hear
Julena’s advice, while tough, carries an important lesson: Pay attention to actions, not just words. If someone’s behavior continually makes you question your worth, it’s worth reconsidering the relationship altogether.
Whether one agrees with her tone or not, the takeaway message is clear: you don’t need to decode mixed signals. If someone wants to be with you, they will show it — consistently.
