A viral Instagram post is igniting a fierce conversation about womanhood, identity, and economic independence after a creator known as @iambestienextdoor, who describes herself as a “Feminine Wealth Mentor,” challenged long-standing expectations placed on women, especially in Black and immigrant communities.
In her widely shared post, she argues that many women were raised to “be wives, not women,” taught to be selected by men rather than to be whole, self-sufficient individuals. The message resonated instantly online, drawing both applause and criticism.
“Our mothers taught us how to be wives not women,” she wrote. “We were taught to be perfect for men so we could get picked by one but never taught how to be whole, self-sufficient women.”
Her critique focuses on generational conditioning: the idea that women, particularly daughters, were groomed to secure stability through marriage rather than develop their own emotional, financial, and professional agency. The cost, she suggests, is steep.
“Too many of us sell our identity for paid bills,” she warned, adding that discovering one’s purpose could “pay more than any bill and give us real options.”
A Bigger Conversation
In the accompanying video, she expands her point with unfiltered urgency.
She notes that there is “endless content on how to be picked by a man,” including entire online industries built around dating older men or securing financial protection through relationships.
But she highlights the hidden price women often pay when they lack their own resources:
“No one talks about the emotional abuse you tolerate when you don’t have your own resources as a woman. And we all know when they know you need help, that’s when the games begin.”
Her advice: step away from centering men as the only path to stability.
“Leave the men alone for a minute. They are not the only pipeline to abundance — you are,” she urges.
She urges women to examine what blocks their growth and to “tap into the digital space,” a nod to the surge in online entrepreneurship, particularly among Black women who continue to build some of the fastest-growing business sectors in the U.S.
A Generational Shift
The post is gaining traction on social media amid broader cultural conversations about femininity, independence, and the evolving definition of partnership.
For many women, her message is liberating: a call to reclaim agency in a society where gender-based expectations often dictate life choices. Commenters shared stories of being raised to prioritize marriage over education, financial literacy, or emotional well-being.
Others pushed back, arguing that the problem is not mothers teaching daughters to be good partners, but society failing to teach both genders to value emotional health and independence.
Regardless of position, the viral moment highlights a generational reckoning: younger women are increasingly rejecting frameworks that link their worth to marriageability rather than personal fulfillment.
What makes this moment resonate is not just the criticism of old norms but the urgent appeal for women to build self-sustaining lives.
The post continues to circulate widely, pulling new voices into a debate that spans culture, class, and generational experience.
If the reactions are any indication, this conversation is far from over.
