A Vogue essay by British writer and cultural commentator Chanté Joseph has set off a firestorm of conversation online. It all starts with one provocative question: “Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?”
The article, which went viral last week, unpacks shifting attitudes toward heterosexual relationships among young women, questioning whether being publicly partnered with a man — once seen as a badge of validation — now carries a sense of discomfort or even quiet shame.
Appearing later on the BBC to discuss her piece, Joseph reflected on the backlash and fascination the question stirred.
“It’s been a very hard conversation for a lot of straight women,” she said. “This one thing that sort of validated them and made them feel like they’d achieved something doesn’t have the same clout.”
Love, Politics, and Power Shifts
Joseph argues that the changing cultural landscape — particularly the widening political divide between men and women — has made traditional relationships more fraught than ever.
“We live in a time where men and women are so divided politically,” she explained. “Men are way more right-wing, women are leaning more left-wing. So it’s becoming difficult for us to have these partnerships without really evaluating what they mean and what we have to sacrifice to be in that.”
Her comments reflect a larger generational reckoning. Where past decades glorified “having a man” as a mark of social or emotional stability, many younger women today are confronting how relationships can feel at odds with their values, particularly when gender roles, pay gaps, or ideological clashes come into play.
“Women are looking at how men are raised, how they behave in society, and how oppressive it is,” Joseph said. “As we start to rise up, it starts to feel like it contradicts our values to be in a relationship with someone.”
The Social Media Factor: Hiding the Boyfriend
One of the essay’s most relatable — and hotly debated — points revolves around how women are choosing to present (or not present) their romantic lives online.
Joseph suggests that this hesitation is a reflection of the times. For some, posting a boyfriend used to be a status symbol; now, it’s treated more like a vulnerability.
“I wanted to tap into that idea,” she said, “and express how this manifests even in the way we present our partners online.”
Scrolling through TikTok or X (formerly Twitter), it’s not hard to see her point. Memes joke about “soft-launching” a boyfriend — showing only a hand, a meal across the table, or a blurry shoulder — as women negotiate the balance between intimacy and independence in public spaces.
A Wider Feminist Reflection
At its core, Joseph’s piece — and the public reaction it provoked — reveals a deeper social question:
Can modern feminism and heterosexual love comfortably coexist?
For decades, pop culture has oscillated between empowerment and romantic aspiration, from Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” to the TikTok “girl math” trend. But Joseph’s essay taps into something more existential: the idea that partnership itself may now feel ideologically complicated.
Sociologists have long noted that as women gain economic and political power, expectations in heterosexual relationships often lag behind. The result? A new generation of women asking whether romance with men — particularly men not aligned with their values — still feels like liberation, or compromise.
When Validation Changes Hands
Chanté Joseph’s essay doesn’t declare the death of love — it spotlights its evolution. For many women, love is no longer a destination but a decision; not proof of worth, but a personal choice that must coexist with conviction.
If anything, Joseph’s provocation may mark a turning point in how relationships are talked about: less as milestones, and more as mirrors reflecting power, politics, and self-respect.
Because maybe the real embarrassment isn’t having a boyfriend — it’s settling for a love that costs you your sense of self.
