South African parenting educator Bayanda Gumede, founder of Intentional Parenting, is challenging a long-held belief about family expectations.
She said the belief that children owe their parents achievements such as degrees, marriage, or grandchildren is misplaced. In a post that’s been praised widely online, Gumede redefines what healthy, unconditional parenting should look like in today’s world.
“My children don’t owe me a degree. They don’t owe me grandchildren. They don’t owe me marriage. They owe me nothing,” Gumede says in a video shared to Instagram. “Because my love is not transactional. I give because I choose to. Not because I expect something in return.”
Her message, simple yet profound, has triggered comments from thousands of her followers who agreed with the freedom her words offer, especially in cultures where children are often seen as extensions of their parents’ ambitions.
Breaking Generational Expectations
Gumede also elaborated on her philosophy:
“I believe in education. I believe in marriage. I believe in starting families. But I also believe that my children are free to define what fulfillment looks like for them.”
She added, “My role is to guide them toward purpose, not pressure them into living out my version of success. My love for them isn’t conditional. It’s constant. Unchanging. Freely given.”
For many parents, it is a gentle wake-up call.
In societies where success is often measured by milestones like graduation ceremonies or wedding rings, Gumede’s approach reframes parenting as stewardship, not ownership.
Redefining Modern Parenthood
Bayanda Gumede’s “intentional parenting” philosophy is rooted in emotional intelligence and self-awareness. It focuses on raising confident, self-defined individuals rather than obedient achievers.
Her message invites a new conversation about how love, respect, and acceptance can shape healthier family dynamics.
Parenting experts often stress that unconditional love fosters resilience and emotional security in children, qualities that help them thrive as independent adults. Gumede’s post echoes this sentiment, reinforcing the idea that parents should prioritize connection over compliance.
Her message arrives at a time when younger generations are increasingly redefining success on their own terms, pursuing careers, lifestyles, and relationships that prioritize happiness over tradition.
As one commenter put it under Gumede’s post: “This is the kind of parenting that heals generations.”
