When relationship strategist Adrianna Onubogu shared a clip titled “The Secret to Making Him Propose in Less Than a Year,” she likely expected it to resonate with her loyal followers.
What she might not have anticipated was the wider debate it would ignite about vulnerability, independence, and modern womanhood.
In her viral Instagram video, Onubogu — who describes herself as a “Soft Power Strategist” — tells women that if they want commitment, they must learn to “speak the language of men.”
“When you don’t let a man be a man in your presence, he feels useless,” she says in the clip. “Men want to be of service. When you show him that you need him, he’ll keep finding ways to make your life easier.”
Onubogu, who says her own husband proposed just ten months after they met, argues that many women unknowingly sabotage romantic potential by “being too independent” or emotionally guarded.
“Your ability to get what you want from him,” she insists, “is solely based on your ability to be vulnerable.”
A Coach With a Message — and a Warning
In the post’s caption, Onubogu says she doesn’t pressure women to follow her methods — but she challenges them to reflect on whether “their way is working.”
“I met my husband one year after my divorce,” she wrote. “Once I decided I wanted a husband, I stopped doing what didn’t work and learned how to speak the language of men.”
She adds that outdated or misguided advice — often from well-meaning family or friends — can “cost women the love of their dreams.”
The Internet Reacts
Within hours of posting, the video had sparked thousands of comments — a mix of praise, criticism, and introspection.
Supporters applauded Onubogu’s message as “refreshingly direct,” crediting her with bringing emotional intelligence into the conversation about dating and marriage.
“Soft doesn’t mean weak,” one commenter wrote. “It means knowing how to let a man show up for you.”
Others, however, accused the coach of reinforcing traditional gender roles in a time when women are striving for equality and autonomy.
“Why do women always have to shrink to make men feel needed?” one critic posted. “This isn’t empowerment — it’s emotional labor in disguise.”
The “Soft Power” Philosophy
Onubogu’s approach is rooted in what she calls soft power — a philosophy that encourages women to embrace emotional vulnerability, empathy, and subtle influence in relationships.
Her growing audience — many of them professional women navigating love in the digital age — say her teachings help bridge the gap between ambition and intimacy.
Still, her message hits a cultural fault line: between women who view “softness” as strategic emotional intelligence, and those who see it as regression to dependency.
The Bigger Picture
Relationship experts say the tension Onubogu’s post reveals is nothing new — it’s part of a larger global conversation about gender dynamics in the 21st century.
Dr. Clara Mensah, a sociologist at the University of Ghana, notes that “women are renegotiating what power looks like in love. The challenge is balancing emotional openness with self-respect and equality.”
In that light, Onubogu’s advice may not be prescriptive, but provocative — a prompt for women to rethink how they show up in relationships and what kind of love they ultimately want.
As one follower commented beneath the viral post:
“Maybe being a boss at work doesn’t mean you can’t be soft in love. Maybe it’s both.”
Adrianna Onubogu regularly shares relationship insights with her 100,000+ Instagram followers under the handle @adriannaonubogu. Her courses and workshops on emotional communication and feminine strategy have drawn attention across Africa and the diaspora.
