An emotional video shared on Instagram has reignited an old and uncomfortable conversation about purity culture and how women are often punished for believing that sexual restraint guarantees respect or love.
In the clip, which has now gone viral, a 30-year-old woman tearfully recounts how she went from being a virgin well into adulthood to a single mother — after, she says, being deceived by a man who “did that on purpose.”
“I’ve been battling this for years, crying for years,” she says, her voice trembling. “Because I went from a virgin at almost 30 years old to a single mother. But they don’t ever talk about how men lie and deceive women.”
The post — captioned simply “He did that on purpose” by influencer Paulette (@paulette) — has sparked an avalanche of responses across social media, particularly among women who recognize the pain, shame, and betrayal that often accompany such stories.
A Pain That Resonates Beyond One Woman
What makes this video so haunting is how familiar it sounds.
Many women who came of age in conservative or religious households have been taught that their value lies in their virginity — that saving oneself for the right man is a mark of moral purity and a guarantee of love and stability.
But as Paulette points out in her accompanying commentary, that promise often collapses under the weight of real-world patriarchy.
“In my opinion,” she says, “a woman who thinks her biggest value is her coochie and gives it to every man and a woman who thinks her biggest value is her coochie and gives it to no man are the same woman. Same coin, different side. You are going to learn the hard way that men do not care.”
Her words, blunt and unsparing, have divided audiences. Some praised her for her honesty; others criticized her tone. But few could deny the truth at the heart of her message: a woman’s worth cannot — and should not — be measured by her sexual history.
Purity Culture and Predatory Men: A Dangerous Mix
Paulette’s commentary goes further, arguing that certain men deliberately target inexperienced women — those raised to believe that being “good” or “pure” will earn them respect.
“If we’re being honest,” she continues, “there are certain types of men that look for women like that. Women who are religiously male-centered… women who feel like they are better than the next woman because she has not slept with men, and women who are inexperienced and can be easily manipulated.”
That statement has struck a nerve.
Psychologists and gender researchers have long warned that purity culture can make women especially vulnerable to coercive or emotionally manipulative relationships. When young women are told that sex is their ultimate gift — one that should be reserved for a husband — they often invest trust, identity, and moral value into a partner who may exploit that belief.
And when that trust is broken, the shame and self-blame can be devastating.
Beyond the “Good Girl” Myth
Paulette doesn’t advocate promiscuity — far from it. Her message is about autonomy and awareness.
“Men, society, and religion do not want the best for women,” she concludes. “So stop giving them so much power over what you should be doing with your own body.”
In one sense, it’s a call to rebellion — not against morality, but against control. Against the notion that women’s choices, bodies, and self-worth exist for the approval or validation of men.
And in another sense, it’s an acknowledgment of something painfully human: the longing to be loved for who we are, not for what we’ve withheld.
The Broader Conversation
The viral video has inspired thousands of comments from women sharing eerily similar experiences — relationships that began with promises of forever and ended with betrayal.
One user wrote, “I was that woman. I waited. I thought I was doing everything right. But it didn’t protect me from heartbreak.”
Another added, “They prey on innocence because it’s easy to manipulate. Thank you for saying it out loud.”
As more women speak out, the conversation has expanded beyond purity culture to touch on emotional abuse, manipulation, and how societal double standards about sex leave women to bear the consequences of men’s deceit.
The Real Crime: A Culture That Fails Women
While this isn’t a “crime” in the legal sense, the emotional and psychological harm it exposes is profound.
A culture that conditions women to equate sexual purity with self-worth — and men to see virginity as something to conquer — creates the perfect conditions for exploitation.
The real tragedy of the woman in the video isn’t that she lost her virginity. It’s that she lost faith — not just in one man, but in the promises that society made her.
